With all the violence going on today people are getting nervous just leaving their house. After watching cops and other reality shows I have learned a new lesson on how to stay safe and away from crazy people. If you are walking down the street and you see someone near you who has a blurry face…..run! People with blurry faces are nothing but trouble. They are either going to be involved in a crime or they were involved in a crime. So forget buying a gun, pepper spray, stun gun, knives, swords, batons, or taking self defense classes….all you need to do is stay away from blurry face people!

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Modern America doesn't want you to think maturely and rationally, and it's been that way for a long time. Think about it- if you are thinking maturely, then you know that diapers for your kids are more important than 24 inch rims for your car. Saving real money in the bank is more important than being maxed out on credit cards. You're surrounded by a house full of things that you don't need, and you're paying the minimums on your credit card balances. If you think maturely, you learn how to wait until you can afford things. Our country's well-being has become contingent on the, "But now, Pay later", mentality, though- if people started waiting until they could pay cash for things, then they might realize that the, "Ronco Thing-stretcher", really isn't in their best interests. The Nintendo and Sony people would  lose their minds trying to find out what happened to their business. If you are thinking about things maturelyly, you know that you do what you HAVE to do, before you do what you WANT to do- and that by doing what you HAVE to do, you will be ABLE to do what you WANT to do! This is why our Grandparents came out better than us.

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I was wondering if anyone else has had the feeling lately that 41A between Hopkinsville and Oak Grove has turned into a racetrack and no one told us?  I am not talking about being a few over the speed limit I am talking about people doing 80mph and better on the road.  I drive the road twice a day to school and the stretch between I-24 and Hopkinsville is the most dangerous.  I was talking with a group of people, asking them the same question and they have also felt like it has increased recently.  Speeding has been bad, but lately it seems to have gotten worse.  We all agree that between the hours of 5pm and 7pm seem to be the worst speeding times.  I have personally seen Oak Grove police monitoring 41A on their side of the the interstate bridge and they have slowed a ton of their traffic down. 

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If you have visited the Hopkinsville Aquatic Center then you have seen the list of rules they have posted on those big black iron gates of theirs. Only Martin Luther ever left a bigger note attached to a gate. Looking at this long list of rules, it’s almost like they just starting making up rules. As you get to the bottom of this long list of demands, they had to make the print really small to fit the last five “laws” on the sign. Kind of like when you were younger and you were making out a list and saw that you were going to run out of room on the paper so you just starting writing smaller and a little bit crooked. I think the best rule is that you have to go in barefoot. Actually you can’t…but it says you can’t wear shoes….so I don’t know how you are supposed to get in. I guess that is how they are going to keep from hiring people to work there. They just need to hire one guy to sit at the gate. No matter what you have (or don’t have) on your feet, you can’t get in!

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1. Thou shalt not verbally berate thou kids. The worst thing that you can do to them is curse at them, tell them they're bad, or the ever-present standby- "You're just like your Daddy!" My Grandfather used to call it, "Giving the dog a name!" Your children WILL live up (or down) to whatever you think they are. I go further- you can spank them all you want to- that is not as bad as cursing at them, or telling them they're bad all the time!

2. Thou shalt not promise them anything that you cannot, or will not, deliver. A brief story- my Grandfather, aged 96, on his deathbed, was crying about the little red wagon that his Daddy was supposed to get him for his 4th birthday. My Grandfather was 4 years old in 1912. His birthday was April 16. You could make a case that the Titanic hadn't hit bottom yet when he made 4 years old! The point is, you never know what you do (or don't do!) that will color your child's outlook for the rest of their lives. Be careful what you promise them- and ALWAYS DELIVER!

3. Thou shalt not lie to them. Ain't there enough bull that they have to put up with in this world already, without you, their parents, contributing to their mistrust of the world?

4. Thou shalt not lie FOR them. If Little Johnny shoves his fist down another kids throat at school, and the teacher tells you that's what happened, then why would you assume that the teacher is lying on your baby? Bad news- your, "Baby" is 6 foot, 200 pounds of man!

5. Thou shalt not brutalize them. Even in Kentucky, the days of the belt or the switch are dead and gone. While it is true that our parents did things to us that would make modern CPS workers explode, this does not imply that we have to pass the brutality on to our kids. And for God's sake- if they're over age 12 or so, DON'T touch 'em! If they haven't learned right from wrong by then, it's YOUR fault for not teaching 'em! Besides, the world can do a MUCH better job of spanking them at that age than you ever could, i.e. "The Hopkinsville Police Dept. ain't sleeping......."

Try these 5 things in the rearing of your kids. What have you got to lose?

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I know a lot of other cities are starting to enforce new polices. I was wondering if Hopkinsville was going to follow suite. Hopefully not. I heard that starting next year in some states like California and Florida that women were going to be allowed to drive. Not just during the day time but at night time too. Can you just imagine how dangerous our streets would be? If we give into these new women’s “rights” soon they will be eating at restaurants, playing pro sports, and worst of all….they will be voting. Just think of what these changes will do to our city and in the long run, our country.

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How Different Would the World Be If:

Everyone could fly….

We had an extra finger growing out of our chin….

Once someone died (either by natural causes or murder) they just disappeared…

You knew the exact year, month, day, hour, second that you were going to die…

We all only had one leg…

God talked to us on a regular basis…

We all could read each other’s minds…

We had invented the car but not the brake pedal…

Our bottom was located on our forehead…

Bugs could speak English…

We didn’t have a moon…

God turned out the Sun on the weekends to save energy…

Your reflection could actually talk to you…

Once you said the word “Fliff” out loud you would instantly die (and disappear)….

Would anything be different? Maybe not…

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In case you can not make it to the big gang brief on April 23, I will briefly describe the three major gangs here in Hopkinsville. They are as follows:

1. The Book Breakers – This group is systematically stealing our city’s tax dollars. They have this running scam at our local public library. They go in looking for new books to check out. But instead of returning that book, they go online and find a used copy of the same book. This is slowly taking away all the new copies from our library.

2. The Amish – With their tractors at Wal-Mart and their horse poo all over the roads, they are slowly taking over Hopkinsville (very slowly). They used to stay on the outskirts of Hopkinsville but they are now taking over the roads between JCPenny and Taco Bell. If they are not stopped there, they will soon be slowing down traffic all over town.

3. The Domino’s Squad – Probably the most dangerous of the all the Hopkinsville gangs. These groups of savages actually go door to door placing small packages on your doorstep. What’s worse is what is inside these small packages. There are coupons and a small calendar magnet. With all the toppings they put on their pizzas, by you purchasing a pizza from them, you are excelling world hunger. Save the world….buy from Papa Johns.

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The Hopkinsville Gang task force is working with the REC-SASW at the Murray State Regional Extended Campus located on Ft. Campbell Blvd to hold a Gang Awareness Workshop for the Community. This workshop will allow citizens to know the different types of gangs in the area and give them insight on what the dress styles are. This is especially helpful to parents of children to be able to recognize if their child is affiliated with a gang. The event will be Monday April 23rd, 2007 at 6:00 p.m. in the Murray State Regional Campus building located on Ft. Campbell Blvd.

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I thought the whole point of spending the city's money on a water park was so we wouldn't have to explain why the taxpayers in the community were having it come out on their water bills for the storm water plans. I mean if we are going to filter our money into a "public" pool, shouldn't the public get in for free if we already spent our money on it to begin with? I mean I guess the city officials need to line their pockets with someone's money so I guess they found a way to get it without having to explain it.

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There are no comedy clubs here in Hopkinsville...or Clarksville...or any other "ville" anywhere around here.  The only way for local people to see any stand up comics is to get on I-24 and drive for an hour all the way down to Nashville.  Why don't we have a little open mic night here in Hopkinsville?  Are we not cool enough?  I think we are cool enough!  I think one night a week at any of the local pubs here would bring a lot of business from Clarksville and other small towns close by.  You know who's got two thumbs and would love to perform there?  This guy! 

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I have an idea for a new tv channel….they have channels on everything from selling knives to painting bathrooms. How about a channel that plays music during the day. I know they have VH1 and MTV at three in the morning. I’m glad they are there to tell me what music I should like. That one guy’s got new shoes…and the other guy loves his girlfriend, you know she’s the only one he’s got, and that other group is getting attacked by yarn. VH1 artist I aught to know said I should like these groups and after months of listening to them over and over…now I do! What happened to all the good groups…where is Dave Mathews?!?

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Well…it’s almost Earth Day again. And you know Earth Day has always been sort of like a holiday to me.  So I would like to show you some slides from last year’s Earth Day vacation to Panama.

 (click)

 This is me packing my bags.

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This is me backing out of my driveway.

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This is me driving down the highway.

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This is me pulling up to a toll booth.

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This is me throwing money into the basket.

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Here I am under my car looking for the quarter.

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Here I am getting on the airplane.

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Here I am getting off the airplane in Panama.

 Now when you go to another country you really need a guide

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This is a picture of the place I went to get a guide.  It was called “Get a Guide Agency”

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Here’s the man that works there.  His name was Pablo. He asked me what kind of guide I wanted. I said one who would guide me.  And here’s the guide I got. 

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This is Guido the guide.

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Here’s Guido guiding me down a trail.

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Here he is guiding me around a patch of quick sand.

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That’s his hat there.

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Here I am calling a rescue party.

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Here's the rescue party pulling up in a jeep.

(click)

There they go to save Guido.

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There’s a bunch of hats and ropes and things. Now that I think about it…that wasn’t a very good vacation at all.  When you loose your guide and the rescue party they keep your deposit.  Next year I am just going to the zoo.

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I know that a lot of people believe that God created everything. He created man in his image and nothing has evolved. As nice as it would be to believe this, it’s kind of taking the easy way out. If you believe in God, you could agree that God created life…and it has evolved to what it is now. Compromise. My question is this: Before the “civilized” way of life we enjoy now, at one time we lived as most animals do. Raping to breed, murder the weak and injured, and (which really isn’t any different from now) killing anything weaker than us. Now that we have evolved in this higher species and don’t usually participate in these animal-like behaviors, will this hurt our human race in the long run. Humans are the only creatures who allow the weak and abnormal to breed, passing those genes on to the new generation. Will this cause our species to evolve into a weaker form of human? It is just easier to lock up those who act on their animal impulses then try to reform them to this semi-new way of life.

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God created everything. Then when he was finished, he created dinosaurs but placed them twenty feet underground and made them appear to be dead for millions of years. It takes a powerful God to create dead creatures in rock.

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Not a lot of people know about this website so let me take a second to explain it.  When they make movies they usually take about a week to shoot a scene.  Well, over that seven days sometime some of the props move or even change colors when the final shot is complete.  It's an accident but it would cost too much to go back and fix it.  Well, there is a website that points these mistakes out.  It's www.moviemistakes.com . You can go on there, find mistakes in one of your favorite movies and then look for them when you watch it again.  Or if you notice a mistake in a movie that isn't on there, you can submit it.  It's all free and fun.  Just something to do if you're bored and you like watching movies.

(I added mistakes I found in Wild Things, Chaplin, Driving Miss Daisy, and Scarface)

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Ok, so I know some of my entries have a FEW mistakes. I just type as I think, I don't go and spell check...maybe I should start.  Well, as a delivery guy for the local Domino's I have compiled this list of commandments that should be followed anytime you are ordering from us.  If you want your pizza faster ask for me (Matt), I have GPS and I will get it there a little faster.....I will try to watch my spelling on this for the few of you that can't figure out what I'm trying to say...lol

 

The Ten Pizza Delivery Commandments

 

I.    Thou Shall have a visible address marker

II.   Thou Shall be home

III.  Thou shall have money ready

IV.  Thou Shall Tip (saying keep the change when  it’s seventeen cents is NOT a tip)

V.    Thou Shall not be asleep

VI.   Thou Shall not expect exact change

VII.  Thou Shall Answer the door

VIII.  Thou Shall have not complain about it taking an hour to get there when the person that took the order said it would take an hour and a half.

IX.  Thou Shall not rob the pizza delivery person (and if you really want to there is no need to be violent because it’s not the delivery person’s money and they will gladly give it to you.)

X.  Thou shall not give special directions to go to the back door of your house if you have a large dog waiting at the back door of your house. (Lady on North Virginia you know I'm talking about you!)

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Kids...what can you say about them?  All I know is there must be something wrong with mine.  I don't know if anyone else is having the same problems I am having.  He was normal until about his fourth birthday and then apparently he got "powers".  I don't know if it was the Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles,  or the water...but something made him...not right!  He refuses to take off his black Spiderman pajama's no matter how long I lecture him about how he can't wear them outside.  Guess that's better than the Light'en Mcqueen boxers he wanted to wear everywhere.  It's hard enough trying to get him to understand even if it's a fake gun, you don't point that at anyone.  He still thinks the laser sound that comes out the gun is what I'm talking about.  I didn't know this befor I had a son, but if you don't have kids get ready for this rule.  Whatever kid you drop off at a daycare....that is the kid you have to take home!  How crazy is that?  The big surprise is that no matter how much you buy them, no matter how many cool toys you get them, no matter how much money you spend on them, no matter how much time you spend with them, no matter what sacrifices you make for them....one day they will stand in your kitchen and cuss you out saying that you never did nothing for them.  I just look at my son trying to climb up my living room wall in his Spiderman pajamas and think.....this is our future....oh goody!

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I have been married many times and peope (for some unknown reason) ask me the secret to staying married...like I would know that.  But in all my experiences, I believe I have found the secret to staying married.  Most people will tell you that communiction keeps people together.  Maybe it's not going to bed angry that works for others.  Honesty is good (lying can be better). You can read all the books you can find on relationships and nothing will beat the advice you will get right here.  Are you ready?  The secret to staying married is Never, I repeat, NEVER play Monopoly.  Yeah, it's a fun game when you're little.  Cute little car, hat, and the thimble that no one wants.  But when you get married the game is totally different.  It starts out all fun.  This is how it's going to work out:

You will hear things like this,

"Oh baby you can be the bank, I trust you"

"Oh, you don't have to pay for that sweety"

"I'll build hotels but you know you can stay for free"

Twenty minutes later:

"Of course you're going to buy that, you bought everything else!"

"You know it's just like you, trying to control the whole board!"

"I'm not trading anything, you want to trade something, I would like to trade in your attitude!"

And a lot of other comments I can't put on here.  Monopoly is the first step to packing your stuff and living out of your car.  Monopoly has cause three out five of my divorces.  So take my advise, don't chance it.  Forget Monopoly...stick to Twister!

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